I think im going to throw up on grandma
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
