The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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