so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
