You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
