please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
