We need to start having sex underwater more often.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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