i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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