Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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