I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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