making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
