did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
