Your tits are I can't wait for
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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