she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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