I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
