3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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