Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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