is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we're making bets on your personal life
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
