if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
