jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
