it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
