i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
