My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
