I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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