I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
