I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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