So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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