All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
