I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
