The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
