I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
