did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
well you can't waste a boner
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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