im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
