And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
