You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
