Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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