I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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