stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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