this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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