Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
