New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
