i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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