Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
