So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
