maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
