Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
