you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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