I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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