i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize