He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
