oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
