i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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