I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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