his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When did angry sex become our thing?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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