piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
