you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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