I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize