so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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