My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
