I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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