Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
