those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
