I accidentally burped into my bong.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
