$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
