My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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