Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
