I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
