These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
