Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
