Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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