Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
