Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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