HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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