What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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