eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
