Too much gin, very little bucket
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize