I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
