We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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