My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
