the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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