Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
