i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
