it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
