i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
