Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
