she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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